Last Wednesday was my last radiotherapy session. No more daily trips to the Royal Marsden. It’s amazing how fast the four week period of radiotherapy went and it spells the end of another phase of cancer treatment. However, the effects of radiotherapy still continue as I have one boob darker than the other (the “poorly” one is dark chocolate in colour and the “healthy” one is a milk chocolate colour) and the skin underneath the breast is peeling away and developing very painful sores.
The radiology nurses gave me loads of gauze, plasters, pads and aqueous gel to help soothe the sores and speed up the healing process a bit, although I was told not to expect any results for at least two weeks. Like a bruise, the sores seem to be getting worse before possibly getting better.
My last radiotherapy session was early in the morning and I had a counselling session in the afternoon. I started talking about my Dad when I just ended up in a flood of tears. To be honest, I’m always on the verge of tears most days but manage to keep things together, or at least until I’m in the privacy of my bedroom. June’s a weird month for me, especially now dealing with breast cancer. My birthday’s in June but last year, not long after my birthday, I had to fly out to Ghana for my father’s funeral. Also, my Dad’s birthday is on the 19th and Fathers’ Day is not long before or after that, so I’m just awash with emotion at the moment. I told my counsellor how much I missed him not being around and trying to make things better for me. Dealing with breast cancer makes me miss him more cos I know how supportive he would have been and it’s always great having a parent so vocally and physically fighting your corner. In a weird way, because my father’s death was so unexpected and out of the blue, it made me more prepared to deal with my cancer diagnosis as that was out of the blue as well. Losing my Dad was pretty much the most devastating thing to have happened to me in my life so anything else is just a walk in the park, really.
Monday was my birthday and, like last year, I had no major plans for it. When you’re single and it’s your birthday, you’re no-one’s priority apart from your own, so I took myself down to Brighton for the day.
There’s always something about being by the sea that rekindles the little kid in me (one of my favourite childhood memories is spending time at Margate) and, as I used to live in Sunderland, it’s one of the things I miss most, living by the sea. Brighton’s only about half an hour on the fast train from East Croydon so I should head down more often, but life gets away from you, doesn’t it? I know that more than most at the moment. But it was a nice little jaunt there and back, especially catching up with a mate, Stacie, who’s now got her own clean eating health eatery, Eat Naked.
The day after my birthday, my Mum gave me a collage that she had made.
It really surprised me cos it was actually a sweet and thoughtful thing to do. Looking back at the pics, I remember how carefree I was as a kid, laughing and smiling. It’ll be nice to go back to that one day, living life without a worry in the world, having a childlike innocence and enthusiasm to your daily approach. If having the ability to see another birthday has taught me anything, it’s that anything is possible if you want it that badly.
Black Chick Tit Cancer 